I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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