everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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