I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
