im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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