peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
