I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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