Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize