uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
