Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
