I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's never too late to be topless.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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