Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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