I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
