You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
