eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
