Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
