Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
