debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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