Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
