Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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