dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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