yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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