I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
