I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i may or may not be watching the land before time
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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