weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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