I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
