I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
