I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
