i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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