True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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