Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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