yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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