you guys were way drunker than both of me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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