She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
