Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
