I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
