Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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