There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
