if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
