I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
