I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
