from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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