Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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