Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
