I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
