i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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