im about as happy as oj after his trial
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
