I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
