how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You can't just leave with hair like that
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
