Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
