operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
