shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
