google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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