You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
