Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
