I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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