he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
