There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
