Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
