ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize