i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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