i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
