p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize