Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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