hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
