My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
