U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
