Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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