just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
