I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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