I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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